pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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