did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
