just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
