I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
