dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
