can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
