I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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