I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
