the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
