i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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