Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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