ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish my penis had a tongue
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
