I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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