she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
