Apparently you make a good broom.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
