Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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