Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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