You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
