I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
