why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
