I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
