Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
