i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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