I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
