Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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