remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
