Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
