Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize