I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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