wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize