my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
