remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
