I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
