Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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