im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
