I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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