I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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