Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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