I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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