her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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