Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
