you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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