I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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