Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I AM VODKA MAN
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
