my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
