i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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