Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
