The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
