one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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