He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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