dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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