i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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