my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
