dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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