i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
