girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
