White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
