if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How's work?
Spinning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
