Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
