Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
