When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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