my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
