I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
