my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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