it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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