He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
