Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
